Plans?

I did a lot of thinking today. In between bouts of crying of course, but thinking none the less. I do honestly think I will be ok. It sucks, I hurt, but I will survive. The first thing I want to do is look at getting a job working with Shell, cause the extra pay would be awesome for me to get my debt load down faster. Secondly, and this will take a bit, I want to get really serious about losing weight and getting healthy. It would be awesome to have a work out buddy, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I figure I got more motivation and fewer distractions now. Third, I am going to continue working on my issues; I got some books and such, and I am seeing about getting into therapy again. I am well aware that I am in no condition to be in any kind of meaningful relationship, and while I don’t plan on entering into one for quite some time, I want to be ready for when I do. Which leads me to a point of interest. I emailed the therapist that Jasmin and me were going to, well, end it. He said he wasn’t surprised. He then went on to basically tell me that he recommends I keep working my issues, and hope she does the same. Then apparently, he thinks it wouldn’t be a bad idea if me and her, down the line, made another go. He doesn’t think I should plan on it happening, and I don’t, and he also thinks I would have to move, which I know I would. Its funny, I don’t know. I mean, I am not opposed, once I know we both are better and able. No point in making the same mistakes. I got married too young, too broken, to really be a good consistent partner. When things are good, they were really good; when they were bad, it was misery. Hell, last night was even good, other than the obvious. Our therapist said more than once, and still maintains, that we could be very good for each other in terms of helping each other deal with our problems, physical and mental. That being said, I am not hoping and praying for this outcome. I am not even sure we can be friends yet. We are going to try, but that doesn’t promise success. Jasmin would also have to want to one-day maybe give it another shot, and to do that, she would have to go against the advice of several people. And even then, we are talking years, and this is day one. Who knows what or who will happen? Maybe one or both of us will find some one else, some one better. Maybe some one will die. Bah. Interesting point though, but something to worry about later. It would be nice to be friends though, if nothing else.

So I read this article in the Wall Street Journal:

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB118903209653018615-lMyQjAxMDE3ODA5NjAwMzYyWj.html

and it pretty much made want to curse loudly. For those you who don�t/cant/wont read it, let me summarize it for you. Men are getting scarred to be seen talking to or being near children, even their own, because of the fear of being labeled a pedophile. Cops have gone up to guys sitting around with their own kids and interrogated them, just because someone, almost always female, told them that the man was suspicious. Apparently, a guy having a burger with his little girl warrants a cop stopping by and making the guy prove the kid is his. Some states, such as Virginia, are running campaigns encouraging people to call the cops if they see anything they deem questionable. There so much wrong here, I don�t know where to start, so let�s start with the source of the problem: people.

The human, as a whole, is stupid, easily lead by its collective nose, and as a rule doesn�t like to think about unpleasant truths. And the truth is the biggest danger to a child is its parents and family. A child�s MOTHER is the person most likely to beat or kill it; if it�s sexually abused, it was most likely done by a relative or family friend. Not a stranger. But we don�t want to think about that it seems. Sure, we may know these facts, but no one really wants to think that their brother, you know, the one who is always really friendly with kids, is the one who is molesting their kid. Furthermore, men have been basically slandered in the media for the past 20 years. I am not talking about the women�s mags that seem to like declare men as unable to feed and clothe themselves, or like to point out how we are simple beasts. I am talking about how, when a man kills his child, he is strung up, but when a woman does it, she has to be mentally ill. When a man beats a woman, it�s because he is a drunk, or because society has told him that is ok to do so, or because he is deep down a scared little boy. When a woman beats a man, the man will get arrested because she will have a bruise somewhere, even if it�s from him trying to pin her arms so she doesn�t hit him again. Hell, look at the Duke rape case. One false accusation and three boys go through hell. Now they are legally free and clear, but where is NOW and the women studies department at Duke? Where are the apologies? They had no problem ripping into these guys, but now no one is standing up to defend them, to retract their statements. Men are guilty by default in any case involving domestic abuse (of any kind), rape, or child molestation. And yes I know false accusations are rare, but no one does a damn thing to stop them, and they still ruin lives. So now, as a man, I won�t volunteer for things like Big Brothers. I really don�t feel ok helping your child if it�s lost, or hurt. It�s not worth the risk to me. It�s sad, but it�s the truth.

Now, for the enabler of these problems: the government, certain political organizations, and a particular popular TV show. Yes, as with many issues, the government takes a problem and makes it worse. I want to make children safe, I do. Child abuse and molestation is a bad thing. Making every man a suspect isn�t going to stop it. But the government has to do something to appear productive, to appear that it is some combating this issue. Given that the offender in the majority of reported cases is male, it does to an extent make sense to single out men. The problem with this is the word �reported�. If you talk to experts about this issue, and not just the reactionaries, they will tell you something to the effect of �we don�t know the actual statistic, because incidents involving female offenders are underreported.� So why do we hear about these statistics? Because of organizations dedicated to spreading them. Varies organizations don�t do any actual research; they just parrot what others tell them, and do so rather loudly and with total conviction. They don�t actually read the studies to see what they really say, or what the researchers are defining as assault or what have you. There is no money or attention gathered when you do that, and make no mistake, any organization wants money and attention for their pet cause. So they will take questionable statistics, spin them to make it as though they are gospel, and both demonize men and completely ignore the facts that most men are not predators, and that the crazy woman down the street is as much if not more of a threat as the crazy ass guy in the van.

That all being said, let point the finger at who I think is the biggest enabler of this craze: the media, specifically, Dateline�s �To Catch a Predator�. For those of you who haven�t seen this fine piece of fear mongering, the premise is this organization called �Perverted Justice� trolls the internet, gets pedophiles to engage in sexual conversations with what the pedophiles believe are 12-14 year old kids, and then get the pedophiles to agree to show up at the �kid�s� house. Of course a reporter is waiting for them to talk about why they want to nail a kid, and then the pedo gets arrested, usually by getting tackled and restrained, even if they are not resisting or running. It�s great, but it�s not. First off, in many states it is illegal to encourage or enable someone to break the law. By targeting pedophiles, this organization may be breaking that law, as they do everything they can to steer the conversation in the direction of an adult talking to a minor about engaging in sexual acts together, which is a crime. However, Perverted Justice maintains that since there is no minor involved, there are not breaking the law. This is where they are helping pedophiles. The founder of Perverted Justice actually has been brought into court for this stuff, and that was his defense. Now, the pedo is saying that he never really believed that he was talking to a kid, even if he acted as if it was a kid, and as such, no kid no crime. If this flies, every online predator could use it as a defense, and it would be up to the state to prove what the pedo believed. Furthermore, because Dateline is putting all these guys on tv, they are opening up a chance for these guys to claim insanity. The logic: they want to be on TV so bad they are willing to pretend to be pedophiles. Attention seeking behavior to an extreme is a mental disorder. So now they have given these guys two options that can be used together, to get out of all these crimes. Lastly, and this is just about as bad as it gets, Dateline is helping these guys beat their convictions by virtue of the show. Most of the men captured in these stings are set free, for various reasons that involve improperly gathered evidence, tainted jury pools, and entrapment. So, even the guys who are guilty, and I think they all are, are just getting walk free. They aren�t even shown on TV, since in many states Dateline would need them to sign a release to show them on TV. All they have really succeed in doing is adding fuel to a fire and making a crisis out of a problem.

So where does this leave us? Pedophiles are getting more weapons to fight convictions. Non-predator men are scared, and rightly so. What we are going to have is generation or two where increasingly large number of men are uninvolved in the lives of children, including their own to an extent, and it�s all due to fear. We see PSA�s encouraging us to be mentors and foster parents, and then we see PSA�s telling us basically to act as if every man around a kid is a potential pedophile. What is a man to do? And make no mistake, I don�t blame women as a whole for this: any good parent is alert for potential serious threats to their children. This increasing fear is only going to hurt women too. For starters, as men do less with kids, including their own, more pressure is going to be put on the mothers. Also, because of this increasing public fear, there are a few mothers making their kids make false accusations. It doesn�t happen often, but it does happen. This is worse than false accusations of rape, and what it may end up causing is a general suspicion of any woman who shows any level of instability as being the kind of woman who might make a false accusation, and thus someone to be shunned. And think about the generation we are raising. We are telling little girls that every man is a threat, and not to trust them, and we are telling the boys that they will grow up to be a monster. No one will trust anyone when it comes to kids, and unless we all get along and get our shit together, we are just going to fail the kids. Find the pedophiles, but so in a way that doesn�t make every man a predator. Protect the kids, but don�t put them in a bubble. I am not saying we shouldn�t inform and prepare our kids, but there is so much more out there that is a bigger threat their health and well being, like their diets, guns, drugs, driving like retards and having kids of their own? I figure, worry about the big things, and if you see some creepy man or woman in a trench coat and a white van, call the cops. Otherwise, why not give each other the benefit of the doubt? Hell, I am one of the biggest bastards I know, and even I wouldn�t hurt a child. Why assume that the average person on the street would?

“Being paranoid simply means you are in possession of all the facts.” One of my favorite quotes ever, and it comes from one of the greatest works of fiction, Transmetropolitian. See, I am paranoid, technically. I often worry about what people are really planning, what can happen to me and to those I care about. My mind is often filled with what if scenarios and what plans as to what to do if something does happen. That’s why I carry a weapon with me, everywhere I go. That’s why I look my door, even when I am inside, and always lock my car doors. I figure, I can trust people, but only in so much as they will act in what they see as their best interests. It’s a rare person that I truly trust, that I truly feel safe around. Maybe its because I just how fragile the human body is (any one can kill any one else, if they go about it properly), maybe its because I have been burned in the past. In any case, I would feel bad about this, but there has never been a truly good and decent person, through and through, in the history of the world. That’s right, every one, saints and sinners alike, are evil and good in their own ways.

Ghadi hated black people, and was likely a pedophile. Mother Teresa was a sadist, who acquired, by some estimates, over 50 million dollars in donations, but spent almost none of it on the people she was supposedly devoted to aiding. On the other hand, Hitler was animal rights nut, to an extent (he was a vegetarian and hated hunting), and Ted Bundy by all accounts genuinely loved and cared for his girlfriend, who he never once hurt. People are not inherently good, nor are they inherently evil. People are animals; we will do what we need to do to survive, to benefit ourselves and those we care about, and we will do so in whatever way gives us the most reward for the least over all effort. Its all subjective, of course, so sometimes a person will do the “right” thing because doing so benefits them more than doing the wrong thing in their opinion, but different person may see it in a different perspective. This is why psychology and sociology are soft science: no one, no matter how skilled they are, can accurately predict what every one would do in a given situation. All psychologists can do is make guesses, based on statistics. For instance, on average, men are more concerned about physical infidelity than emotional, and for women it’s the opposite. However, that is not the case for everyone; just most people. Some people care at all, some people care about both, and so on.

So, knowing that people, especially the ones we don’t know well, are unpredictable, why should any one trust any one? Sure, trust your dear friends, trust your family (assuming you can stand them), but no one else should be trusted, at least not to appreciable extent. No one can know what any random person on the street will do. Now I am not saying to treat every one as your potential murder, but I have always run under one assumption: only the dead are totally reliable. Every one else, in some ways shape or form, can fail you. They may not, and in some cases, will go out of their way to avoid hurting you. But ultimately, we are all only human.